The days surrounding a funeral can be a confusing and disorienting time for young children. Altered daily routines and unfamiliar sights and sounds can be difficult for them to understand and cope with.
Children notice even the most subtle changes in their routines and surroundings. We, as parents, must validate their feelings and encourage them to share their thoughts, fears and observation of the events taking place around them. Each child is an individual and will not react the same however they are usually very accepting and curious about the person who has died. Children of all ages are surprisingly resilient and can often offer great comfort and insight when it is least expected.
With loving explanations, acceptance of feelings and an opportunity to express those feelings, a child can begin to understand that death is a part of life.
Faithfull Funeral Services can also be of assistance in explaining or answering any questions the children may have in regards to death and the passing of your loved one.
Generally if a child wants to attend or even participate in this very important family event, they should be allowed to do so. Their personal memories of the day can become very important as time goes on. Try not to hide your own grief from your children, they need to know that its ok to have and express emotions, and to have good role models in how to deal with them.
Each child will grieve differently, at different times and in different ways. Often the reality (and permanence) of the death isn’t realised until the child develops and grows older. It is not unusual – as an example – for a three year old to appear to take a death ‘in their stride’ and then some years later show signs of grief when they come to understand concepts such as time and ‘forever’.
As adults, we can assist young ones by speaking simply, openly and factually about the issues. Giving them permission to ask questions and explaining what is going on puts a secure boundary around their imagination. Give them things to do like making a memory box or memory garden. Allow them to share your feelings as well as share their own so they learn that they are normal.
Also join them in reading or looking at picture books which cover the topics. There are many beautifully illustrated and sensitively written books we would recommend that could be shared with children even before they experience the death of someone they are close to. As with any life experience, if we can discuss death and learn about it before being confronted with its reality we are much better equipped, and can experience less anxiety and fear.
Please feel free to contact Faithfull Funeral Services on 09 421 9844 if you have any concerns.